Weathering The Storm of Lyme Disease and Chronic Illness
(updated: April 2021)
Still Weathering the Storm, indeed…
Forward focus. That’s my personal preference when it comes to illness, treatments and healing. However, reflecting back on life’s journey can often serve great purpose. Sometimes we need a reminder as to just how far we’ve come.
This post (originally written/published in December 2015) was shared on social media recently by several readers (thank you!). While incredibly grateful for any and all visits to my blog, shares of older posts present a comparative “then vs. now” opportunity. Not gonna lie, it is somewhat unsettling to re-evaluate how much—yet how little—has changed over the past 5.5 years.
After reading through my thoughts during that particularly stormy period, it’s almost as if time (in this healing journey) has been standing still. Definitely a sobering reality.
Healing is by no means linear… nor swift!
The following refections are from Dec. 2015, updated with a hint of here and now.
Stormy Hues
If you have followed my blog from inception (or joined along the way), then you know I write about my illness + healing journey — the ups and the downs (bumpy pieces-parts). I’ve shared how this journey often finds me coping with varying levels + wide spectrum of symptoms, often combined with a rotation of emotions — bitterness, anger, sadness, grief. Life seems consumed by ever-evolving struggle… and constant effort — trying to find strength needed to keep pushing forward; dark, dig-down-deep days, weeks, months — darkness that is a welcomed blessing to move beyond.
My rock of a husband (who has been there to pick me up every time I have fallen — figuratively and literally) keeps me propped up. He wipes away my tears, even if miles apart. And thankfully, is quick to make me laugh (“ ‘cause you can’t cry if you’re laughing”).
It’s not easy for a partner (and caregiver) to be a traveling man (or woman) while their other half is chronically ill, miserable, and facing challenges beyond anyone’s control. Extra kudos to my hubby, and to all caregivers giving selflessly of themselves. You can never truly know how much your unwavering love, compassion and support is appreciated (like, exponentially x infinity!).
Although I try to keep negative, unhealthy thoughts at bay, genuine concerns do hover: “will my health ever improve?” The weight of battling for over 42 years (quite fiercely the last 21) with more down years than up, definitely makes one doubt whether regaining true, sustained wellness is (realistically) possible.
You gotta keep pushing forward, right?!
You fight through miserable symptoms and challenging treatments. Continue to pray that you’re on the right path to achieving healthier, stronger days. Refuse doubt and fear to choose hopefulness… for where and what are we without hope… and faith?!
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.
—Romans 12:12
Hopefulness, yes. But reality remains. Days filled with tears and emotional waves are still overwhelming. Especially when missing family, celebratory occasions and fun times with friends (or simply running errands with hubby). Quite frankly, being a normal person, doing normal things… feeling healthy and alive!
On the flip side of less-than-happy emotions, I am elated when blessed with moments of reprieve — occasional breaks in symptoms (and misery) to allow for spurts of much needed energy. And praise the Lord for any out-of-bed upright time! 🙌🏼🙌🏼 Goodness knows chronically ill peeps are beyond grateful when quasi human-ing moments happen.
Can I get an Amen!
[bctt tweet=”We push through miserable symptoms + challenging treatments; continue to pray we’re on the right path toward healthier, stronger days; refuse doubt + fear to choose hopefulness… for where are we without hope… and faith?!“]
Like so many fighting illness, this chick is weary and much weaker (physically and emotionally) than I care to be. Current frailty compares to original health relapse days of 2000-2002, what now seems like forever and a day ago. Soooo much time… and life… has passed — with me absent, merely existing within these adobe walls.
I would be remiss if I shared that all was perfect within my heart. Loss of loved ones is an absolute heartbreaking part of life — a brokenness that one possibly never fully recovers from. But loss felt as a result of relationships vanishing — for reasons not easily understood, perhaps due to physical absence — this sadness hurts deeply, and doesn’t seem to fade. Suppose the saying, “out of sight, out of mind,” rings true. To anyone feeling this type of hurt, I hope and pray that distant, broken, relationships will one day mend. If repair seems unattainable, I hope letting go will offer a sense of peace and healing. Life is too short to harbor such unworthy pain.
Overshadowing sadness (and loss) that may be felt along this bumpy journey, is gratefulness — for all the good in my life. And my hope for others: to feel similar blessings (that I know I am most fortunate to have) — unconditional care and support of a loving spouse and family; relationships that have strengthened over the years, despite illness “complications”; wonderful, life-long friendships (framily) that have developed, many with people I have yet to meet in person.
Oh how I love and appreciate my tribe!
Yes friends, several years have come and gone since first sharing most of these thoughts. And yes, I am still weathering the effects of these wicked and unpredictable storms known as Lyme disease, Babesia, Bartonella, Rickettsia, Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS), Post Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS), and a few others thrown in for flavor. However, and most importantly, my cup runneth over with joy and blessings — His Grace, a loving, supportive (awesome!) husband, caring family and friends, and of course Junior & Willie. Life is good! Everyday, I choose to remember what an incredible gift this life truly is.
To each and every amazing human suffering with illness and/or experiencing difficult times: support, sincere understanding, love and healing wishes are with you. I hope you know you are not traveling along this bumpy path alone.
Whatever your troubles and your journey, lovelies, please keep pushing forward. Keep Weathering the Storm — with grace and strength!
Until my next Reflection…
Many Blessings and good vibes — always!
—Terry xx
During this continued time of COVID-19 concern, please be well, stay safe and hopeful. Find your calm.
Updated: April 2020; April 2021
#ChronicIllness #LymeDisease #Babesia #Bartonella #Rickettsia #MCAS #POTS #Life #Healing #Hope #DontLetIllnessStealYourJoy #TurnPainIntoPurpose
Terry Mayfield
Over here reflecting about life, illness + healing. Offering encouragement + empathy + support. Sharing smatterings of sarcasm + sass. Oozing with opinion. Speaking my truth. —tmm
14 Comments
dawn
so wise & witty my dear and truly filled with your pure emotion of this journey.. i feel deep love and caring for you and such empathy for the others that go through life with this illness and do not have the advocates or caregivers.. i so hope our awareness will grow exponentially and that this disease will have a huge voice in getting the support and medical research/treatments/cure it deserves!! love your half full spirit and immense angelic strength and faith.. you help me through so many dark times because of it and i thank you.. wishing you love and healing always honey! bring on some more sassy for 2016!!! xxooo
Terry Mayfield, The Blathering Lymie
Love you warrior sister! Thank you for your beautiful words, and for always being there for me. Praying 2016 brings us both healing and healthier days!??
Momma Ellie
My darling girl, I love you so much and pray for you many times a day, Your spirit is amazing! I admire your fighting gusto! God will bring you through this! Your faith is so obvious, and I am so grateful to God for that! HE is amazing and loves you, as I do! I am grateful your loving husband understands this terrible disease, or the way it destroys a person! He gives me reports often as I care about you, too. Keep fighting, sweetheart! I look forward to your good days!
Terry Mayfield, The Blathering Lymie
Thank you Momma Ellie! Sending love and prayers your way every day. Love you— always and forever!
Ann
I am thrilled for your recent good days and pray 2016 brings many more. Yay for days we can go get our hair done! That must have felt like heaven. Be encouraged, girl. Stay strong. Your courage inspires others. Love you.
Terry Mayfield, The Blathering Lymie
Thank you Ann.? Love you back!?
Angela Sanchez
Terry, your posts are always so timely for me. The past few weeks have been an emotional and physical roller coaster. Most of the time I can just put my emotions behind me, wake up and deal. I am in a slump where I am questioning everything. My llmd in Colorado is retiring but she is going to try and see me through my antibiotic regime. I’ve been at it for 8 months now. Just did a change in antibiotics and praying for no major herx. Am I doing the right thing, I keep asking myself. I have to stick with something, right?! I think what has hurt me so much in the last few weeks is a definite lack of support and treatment from my primary doctor. My primary doctor left the practice and no one else will take me on as a patient. They have made it no secret that they don’t want to deal with me. I’ve never made an issue of the fact that I have Lyme. Never went there and pushed it. Only dealing with my one after another effects and symptoms from chronic untreated Lyme. It’s like running around chasing my tail with them. I need their support because my llmd is out of state. I have been timid and quiet and I guess I feel I am fighting so hard with no real understanding and support. I have taken tramadol 50mg twice a day for many years now. This was prescribed for my chronic pain from “fibromyalgia”. I have never ever taken more than prescribed. Sometimes less. I have to go through hell each month for refill. They have left me without meds many times. Finally getting an appointment after a month I was told that I would need to provide a urine drug test each month and sign a contract. I sincerely hope these measures help with opioid addictions but those of us who are living with chronic pain and who are responsible with taking their meds are left to live a life in horrible pain only to be judged by the ones who are supposed to help. I do have a loving family but even though I feel I am alone. How do you even begin to explain Lyme and chronic illness!? I am extremely educated on the subject and I think my family believes they are but there is so much that they don’t understand. I am too tired to try and help them understand what I am going through. So sorry for the long post, I just needed to express myself and I know you know the fight! Thank you for all you do for us lymies! God bless! Angela
Terry Mayfield, The Blathering Lymie
Angela, God Bless You! I’m so sorry for your health struggles. I’m so grateful that you have taken the time to write a comment and share what is in your heart. I understand the frustrations, and questioning everything. There is nothing easy about these diseases. Thank you for your kind words about my posts providing some comfort. This warms my heart. I am praying for you and sending healing hugs your way. Blessings to you!???
-Terry
dawn
love you more and more each day warrior sister.. always a beacon of light and hope in the darkness, you lift us up – others struggling with chronic illness – your immense strength and faith role model for me everyday how i should be tackling this journey with even more power! thank you for all you do for all of us!!
Terry Mayfield
Beautiful sister, thank you for your kindness, love, support… and beautiful words! Your strength encourages me. 🙏🏼💚🦋
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