You Are More Than Your Illness. However…
You know sometimes when you read or hear a statement and it hits you just right — like, yes! — I completely agree (or vehemently disagree!). During a recent Twitter scrolling session, an uplifting post appeared on my feed: “it’s okay if your chronic illness defines you” (shared by @joannanobanana). A simple sentence, yet powerful — expressing empathy toward chronic illness patients, their feelings of validation and self-worth. Those particular words, in that specific moment, spoke to me. I’m quite certain those same words resonated with many who read Joanna No Banana’s post. (BTW, love joanna’s username!)
Often times when offering uplifting phrases and/or positive words of encouragement — even sharing personal experiences to help others feel less alone — we may unintentionally provide a message that comes across as judgmental, flippant, callous, or one-upping. I know this first hand, as with only the best of intentions at heart, I have (most assuredly) offended and/or upset someone (many someones) at one time or another with the words I’ve shared. Perhaps taken out of context, or simply by my approach. Point being, not everyone needs or wants to hear: a) my opinion (lol!); b) optimistic + positivity fluff — “you’ve got this”… “you won’t always be sick”… “keep your chin up”… “tomorrow will be better day.”
Yes, kind words of encouragement. However, depending upon the recipient’s circumstances, state of illness + mental well-being, words expressing (perhaps trite) optimism might not always be received in the uplifting manor intended.
Another example: some within the chronic illness community may not be a fan of the popular phrase, “you are more than your illness.” Also intended to incite positive thought, support and strength. Perhaps instead the opposite is felt. Perhaps this “rah rah,” to some who haven’t been able to accomplish what they hoped or dreamed of due to debilitating illness, makes them feel poorly about themselves or their situation?
Words are indeed powerful. And truth be had, there is absolutely no way of knowing how others will receive/interpret what they hear or read. We are unique beings living unique lives. And individual circumstances and emotions can change in an instant. The best we can do is to keep lifting one another up, by any means possible. Hopefully, well intended efforts and goodwill will be received in the most comforting and supportive of ways.
Many aspects of our lives define us. We are all more than: a daughter, a son, a parent, a student, a doctor, a farmer, an artist, a poet… you get the idea. The list truly is endless. However, when coping with an illness that unequivocally effects every aspect of your life… illness does in fact (help to) define you — and often dictates your every movement… or lack thereof. Some who have been coping with illness for long periods of time — especially young children and young adults, who know little outside the boundaries of illness — may identify primarily with being a strong and fierce illness fighter. And that is One. Hundred. Percent. Okay!
[bctt tweet=”…when coping with an illness that unequivocally effects every aspect of your life… illness does in fact (help to) define you — and often dictates your every movement… or lack thereof.”]
So, to anyone who needs to hear this: you are, undoubtedly, more than your illness. And you should shine. Shout your truth from the rooftops. As well, it is, most assuredly, more than okay if your illness defines you. Let your truth shine — and never feel ashamed, judged, or less than for being you, or for feeling however you feel deep inside.
“It is okay if your chronic illness defines you.”
—JoannaNoBanana.com
With all of the above shared, let me add this final note — unsolicited advice from a veteran long-hauler: looking beyond one’s illness is imperative; holding on to hope that healthier days lie ahead, is absolutely vital; being truthful and kind with oneself, no matter the struggle or uncertainty, is without question one of the most important elements of overall well-being.
Thank you for taking the time to read this reflection. Hopefully the message(s) and sincerity appear as transparent and heartfelt as intended. Please feel free to share any thoughts you may have in the comments below. Any and all critique welcome!
Until my next Reflection…
Maybe we could all try to be a little more sensitive… and less sensitive, too, as we help sprinkle kindness along our path.
Blessings, positive vibes and healing prayers are with you, lovelies. Always!
—terry xx
Terry Mayfield
Over here reflecting about life, illness + healing. Offering encouragement + empathy + support. Sharing smatterings of sarcasm + sass. Oozing with opinion. Speaking my truth. —tmm
10 Comments
Kris Young
Taking your wise words to heart. Thank you for sharing them. Love to you, dear friend.
Terry Mayfield
Thank you for reading my reflections, and your unwavering friendship + support. Love to you, sweet friend.💞
Tracy Archer
Beautiful words. Sincere, from your heart. Love you.
Terry Mayfield
Thank you, sis! Love you.❤️
Sue Jackson
This is a powerful and important post, Terry. Just this week, I have been dealing with horrible turmoil with my mother who believes I “focus too much on my illness,” not understanding that it controls every moment of every day for me. I do believe I am more than my illness and have worked very hard – against difficult odds – to build a new life for myself through my writing, my blogs, and the support groups I have formed and participate in. I am very happy and satisfied with my life, but my mom – whom I used to be close to – is constantly judging me, thinking I am lying or exaggerating if I say I’m doing poorly because maybe I was able to take a walk or see a friend recently.
Anyway, you didn’t need to hear all that! I just wanted you to know that this post touched me and was the support I needed this week!
And I wholeheartedly agree with your ending sentiment – nothing is more important in life than kindness and compassion.
Thanks for the great post –
Sue
Live with ME/CFS
Terry Mayfield
Thank you, Sue, for sharing pieces of you and your truth. Hugging you from afar!🌼 I am grateful my words offered a message of meaning — thank you for the support. Here’s to continued happiness, with or without the understanding of loved ones who simply don’t “get it.” You/we are never on this journey alone!🌼🦋💚
Invisibly Me
Some incredibly good points here, Terry. I absolutely agree with how advice or inspiration or little pep talks (even just “you got this”) can be great, but not for everyone and not in every situation. You really have to ‘read the room’ and empathise with the recipient of your words because they can have a profound effect, whether we realise it at the time or not.
I must admit, I’ve found a lot of positivity to be a bit on the toxic side. Not because I don’t like inspiration and the sense of hope (I do), but because especially during the earlier days of illness I was so far away from all of those things. I just wanted someone to say it’s okay if you feel like shit, it’s okay if you’re drowning in negativity, it’s okay if you want to scream. Being honest with yourself really is important, and to do that sometimes we need to step away from the advice and everything else to just figure out how we’re feeling for ourselves.
As for the issue on illness defining us, I’m a bit on the fence as I see it both ways with that kind of inspirational line. Again, it’ll vary so much for everyone. Like you said, it’s “more than okay if your illness defines you”. I think we need to see beyond illness to remember that we are more than that, but there’s no denying that it can change our lives – and some of who we are – quite drastically. I know my health issues define a lot of my life, but there’s still boring old me underneath, the part of me that’s more than just a myriad of conditions.
Fantastic post, Terry! I really enjoyed your reflections on this. If we were more encouraged to simply let our own truths shine through, I think we’d find things just a little bit easier and a little less guilt-ridden.
Caz xx
Terry Mayfield
Thank you, Caz, for taking the time to read and comment on my post. Truly grateful for your kindness and insight! Agree with everything you shared. Sincerely wish for everyone to shine their truth — from the rooftops! Sending hugs your way.
—Terry xx
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