Blog post,  Chronic Illness,  Lyme Disease,  My Journey — My Truth

Life With Neurologic Lyme — A Personal Reflection, Part 2 | The Calm

June 29, 2022

Creative thought (outside the lines of real life happenings) might be on an extended hiatus… for an undetermined length of time. Brainwaves have been (and remain) quite occupied of late, soldiering away. Sparking to attention, frantically, within a moments notice. Promptly surrendering to hours/days of hopeful, restorative slumber (once off duty, naturally) due to sheer exhaustion.

Several seizures, along with another ambulance and emergency room adventure, provided ample time-filler since Part One of this Life with Neurologic Lyme Disease, a personal reflection series — what apparently is turning into an ongoing seizure-saga.

Rude, how neurologic Lyme and staticky-brain-synapses collude to overthrow one’s body!

Is my current treatment protocol working — crossing the blood-brain barrier, killing off the bad guys — stirring up a proverbial hornets nest, manifesting in the form of seizures?

Is there in fact neuroborreliosis spirochete — alive and well, swimming around inside my brain — wreaking havoc, all these decades later?

Is my brain broken?

Am I broken?

Is the answer somewhere within a colorful combination of all the above?

Going with a yes, of sorts… and light on the term “broken.” Leaning more toward “special!”

And by God’s grace, this journey is filled with bountiful blessings — that include ‘special’ situations, in which further blessings rest heavily upon unveiling root causes, proper treatments… and all the things — serious specialness. Fluid specialness. Perplexing specialness.

Let me add, lovelies, these seizures, episodes, alien body abductions — whatever one deems an appropriate descriptor — will wake you *the bleep* up. Not that I’ve been asleep (metaphorically). Without question, I am more awake post-seizures than I have been in quite some time. Eyes, ears, mind, heart… wide open. And following this most recent round of neurologic mind-body-tango (six seizures in two hours, at the time of writing this post), once the initial aftershock, excruciating headache and sheer exhaustion began to fade, a fabulous sense of calm washed over me — in an angelic fashion, replacing the frightfulness and overwhelming uneasiness of this new uncharted territory.

Immensely grateful for a soothing peacefulness. Sincerely hopeful it’s a long-term gig — the calm, not the seizures (obviously!).

In keeping with the present state of what the what? — with respect to recent occurrences — lies the following odd reality: the overall unknowing aspect of an ongoing health “mess” that appears to be cohesively coexisting with a newly inherited “calm.”

How is this even possible?

And, who am I right now — that I am able to be calm and an at-will seizing health mess… at the same time? (funny… and, a tad not-so-funny!)

Will close with one last thought. Is a shame that it often takes one’s life being shaken about (literally) to remind one to take stock of what is truly important. These most recent and quite rattling health scares, may have been God giving me a shake, or simply part of my path — part of our path, hubby and I (and everyone else along on this adventure with us… lucky you!). Whatever the case, I am choosing to use the accumulative experiences of the past few months to learn more about myself and to hopefully grow as a person.

We can only hope for improvements.

I am indeedly one flawed cookie!

Until my next Reflection…

May life remain calm, not shaken, not stirred… for us all.

Blessings, positive vibes, and hugs from my corner of the globe to yours!

Over here reflecting about life, illness + healing. Offering encouragement + empathy + support. Sharing smatterings of sarcasm + sass. Oozing with opinion. Speaking my truth. —tmm

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