Blog post,  Chronic Illness,  Deep Reflections,  Depression,  Encouragement,  Life

Positivity, Acceptance and Gratefulness in Tow, Healing is Still HARD! — A Personal + Vulnerable Reflection

August 14, 2019

Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.

—Mahatma Gandhi

Updated: June 20, 2021

Healing. Is. HARD — Period.

Stating the obvious, I know… but, seriously! To each and every living being coping with challenges within your healing plight… I feel you… and for you.

Personal + Vulnerable Reflection

Since beginning this blogging adventure in August of 2015, I have had the privilege of rambling away, sharing personal experiences, reflections and opinions — with a twist of humor + sarcasm. Adding the occasional lighthearted snippet helps soften the not-so-fun side of this lengthy and bumpy, illness + healing journey (that, and sarcasm comes to me naturally!).

Early on with my writing, a sense of healing and release was felt, as the words expressed glimpses into the raw and vulnerable side of living decades with Lyme and tick-borne diseases (and the struggle that remains — physical, emotional, financial). Most of my blog posts serve as a form of therapy, helping to work through challenging (often dark) times — the really hard pieces-parts.

Should you wish to take a glance back, here are a few posts from early on in this writing journey: Lyme Disease Warrior (Aug 2015—real, raw, unpolished) and Chronic Illness is a Thief (Aug 2015, updated Feb 2021).

While sharing the colorful seasons of illness (and the constant search for wellness), my hope has been to offer support, encouragement, and a sense of ‘you are not alone’ to others navigating a similar path. I have tried to stay consistent with expressing (my views on) the importance of nurturing an optimistic + positive mindset: to push out unhealthy, negative thoughts and fears; to allow gratitude to blossom; to allow hope to fill your mind and heart; to appreciate the smallest of blessings and victorious moments (like getting out of bed each day — blessing + victory!).

When writing about the importance of Holding on to Hope, this allowed me to express the belief that true healing was/is within reach, not only for myself, but for others searching for wellness.

Not too long ago I shared how acceptance of the current normal — ‘it is what it is’ — plays a vital role in life, healing, moving forward.

I am truly grateful for this platform to share my thoughts (and lighthearted interjections) along this journey. And while holding firmly with my beliefs — cultivating optimism + healthy positivity, embracing acceptance, and practicing gratefulness — let me reiterate for full flavor… healing. is. sooo. stinking. HARD!

Keeping it Real

This illness + healing (+ setback) gig has had me housebound and horizontal for quite some time. I would prefer not to share that I spend most days in bed, feeling multiple forms of lousy — varying levels of unwell-ness experienced within any given day — with mystery symptoms thrown in to keep things “exciting.” Woohoo! (sarcasm + eye roll)

During more challenging of seasons, daily/weekly highlights fluctuate. When not sleeping the days away, a puzzle of pillows (variety of shapes and sizes) will have my back (literally!). Soothing music in the background. Curtains open slightly, allowing hints of sunlight to enter the room. Beautiful desert mountains off in the distance, offering such a calming view.

Anytime this body is in agreement with having the curtains open (even the tiniest bit), that, my friends, is truly a glorious gift!

“through the window panes”

When blessed with fewer symptoms, a late-afternoon relocation might happen — and my horizontal perch shifts from the bedroom to a comfy recliner. This equates to cozy blankets, Junior and Willie snuggled close (or on top of me), and larger windows for mountain-viewing peacefulness (a wonderful blessing, never to be taken for granted!).

Extra bonus days are when the hubs is home. And, if hubby-home-time meshes with my feeling “less lousy,” we’ve got ourselves a date night: dinner, served on folding TV trays (‘cause we fancy!) + comfy recliners + tv binging. (pure party animals!)

Not gonna lie, peaceful mountain views and tv-binging date nights aside, there are times when these adobe walls feel as though they are closing in around me. With only brief moments of being quasi-upright, simple daily activities (to normal peeps) — like taking a shower and washing my hair — fall nothing short of a small miracle to accomplish (the struggle is very real!).

As the bumpiness of daily life with chronic complex illness remains front and center, keeping the preferred positivity + acceptance + gratefulness vibe in tow is unquestionably a never-ending balancing act.

Just ask my girl, Willamina…

Silly Willie. She totally gets me!

Before reading on, keep in mind: I am 44+years into this ‘chronic complex illness + healing journey, of which, the majority of the past 21+years have had me mostly bedbound and miserable ill.

Warning: the following may appear triggering for some coping with mental health wellness.

When Emotions Go Arwy

Clear thoughts, calmness, and emotional balance might come relatively easy for most humans. Faced with rocky times, any peep with a pulse may tend to wobble and lose their footing.

Within the complicated mix of treating and coping with illness, comes constant navigation through ever-changing levels of emotional (and hormonal + chemical) imbalances. When feeling miserable on top of miserable for days, weeks, months… years… there are going to be highs and lows. On repeat. And, on the worst of days — when feeling as if you are dying inside (not an exaggeration for “flavor”) — you break… and weep… and pray. And desperately plead for the pain and suffering to dissipate; you long to feel whole again… to be free from the chains of illness.

During moments of overwhelming weakness, weariness and desperation, my thoughts cover many extremes. Worn out from fighting so long. Wanting to just be done. Preparing for life without me present. Then… by the Grace from Almighty, thoughts and strength shift into overdrive. Fierce fight-mode kicks in: reeling, contemplating which hospital to check myself into (indefinitely), until the collective “they” uncover all that is causing me to feel so persistently, relentlessly miserable… to beg and plead for someone, anyone to listen… to FIX ME!?!

[bctt tweet=”When feeling as if you are dying inside, you break… weep… pray. And desperately plead for the pain and suffering to dissipate; you long to feel whole again… to be free from the chains of illness.”]

After praying (and shedding a few pounds in tears), calmer thoughts prevail… eventually. Hours of deep breathing exercises and self talk; reciting over and over in my mind to keep the faith, to leave my burdens behind; to believe in my body’s ability to heal. And to trust that significant improvements (the ‘happy-dance-healing’ experienced prior to the most recent backward slides) can, and hopefully will, become reality… once again.

Multiple extremely HARD months (years!) tend to negate thoughts of healing + forward progress.

(Note to self: Breathe woman! Get out of your own way… )

Time to cleanse the negative and unhealthy (and incredibly unproductive) thoughts from my brain-space. And refocus — toward (healthy) positivity + acceptance + gratefulness. And acknowledge that, yes, healing is still really, really hard, but…

I (we, lovelies) have not come this far to only come this far.

Note to anyone coping with physical and/or mental health wellness: the particular struggles shared above — feelings of hopelessness, followed by manic thoughts — might have been unique to me and my personal situation, but I know these types of struggles are not unique. Too many lovely souls relate to similar experiences and struggles.

• Yes, thankfully, I was able to work through such darkness on my own — but I should have reached out for help.

• Yes, I am beyond grateful for the strength and will to have been able to calm my thoughts — I still should have reached out to a loved one, friend, or medical professional.

I was not then — and we are never — alone!

In one way or another, this life is going to present us with trials and tribulations — (translation: at times, life is going to be really, really hard!). And should the difficult pieces-parts begin to mount, may we find the strength to prop ourselves up, to breathe… and to simply be; may we have the patience needed to find balance and solid footing, to cultivate pure and healthy thoughts — allowing ourselves to look past our struggles; may we have the faith and hope and guidance needed to help us find our way.

Be gentle with yourselves, lovelies. This life (and healing) is challenging, yes. And comes pre-programmed with surprise and struggle. And is simultaneously, absolutely beautiful. And is filled with endless hardships… and blessings!

Each and every day, may we do all we can to keep moving forward — one tiny step, shuffle, or crawl at a time.

Our strength shines through the storm.

—tmm

Until my next Reflection…

Blessings and positive vibes — always!

—terry xx

[bctt tweet=”Be gentle with yourselves, lovelies. This life (and healing) is hard. Each and every day, may we do all we can to keep moving forward—-one tiny step, shuffle, or crawl at a time.”]

Should you ever find yourself experiencing feelings of hopelessness or suicidal thoughts… please reach out for help.

Please know you are never alone.

Link to: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

US phone: 1-800-273-8255

Link to: International Suicide Hotlines

Updated: June 2021

#illness #chronicillness #lyme #mentalhealth #healing #life #positivity #acceptance #gratefulness #strength #perseverance

Over here reflecting about life, illness + healing. Offering encouragement + empathy + support. Sharing smatterings of sarcasm + sass. Oozing with opinion. Speaking my truth. —tmm

You May Also Like

Moving Beyond the Darkness — Lyme, Chronic Illness and Life
February 10, 2020
Physicians and the Vaccine Tyranny
October 25, 2021
Chronic Illness is a Thief — Don’t Let It Steal Your Joy!
August 29, 2015

183 Comments

  • Ann
    August 17, 2019 at 12:00 pm Reply

    I’m so sorry this is your “journey.” Keep the faith. Push through once again. Rest. Heal. (Rinse, repeat). This disease does NOT know who it’s messing with. You are the toughest woman I know. Praying for healing, patience, and an assurance of God’s love. ❤️

    • Terry Mayfield
      October 25, 2019 at 10:13 am Reply

      Oh Ann, I am so grateful to have you in my life. Your prayers, support, and sisterly love has always been there to help provide strength throughout this entire journey. Thank you for always being there… no matter what! The bumpiness added in with all of my/our blessings is part of the path. Love to you, sweet sister!❤️🙏🏼✨

  • Dawn kulesa
    August 17, 2019 at 3:04 pm Reply

    Dear warrior sister, u always lift & inspire even in the dark hours! God bless you & I pray for more healing days . I know how tough abx are on the body especially the journey ur body is in the midst of, I do believe too more healing is ahead for you. I’m so sorry what you have to endure & how the mosh interrupted ur healing cycle. You are a true fighter & lover at the same time. Thank u for sharing the real, yes I’m in my own chronic illness journey & I curse what the infusions r doing to me now, yet I feel ur strength & im reinspired to fight harder& find the good in the dark! You are helping huge numbers of us through ur faith & strength! Love u so much!?♥️

  • Sid Simpson
    August 18, 2019 at 10:33 am Reply

    Terry,- Glenda and I will continue to send thoughts and prayers your way everyday. I have said this before, but you are the strongest person I know! You’ve got this girl! Looking forward to seeing you this winter and we are hopeful that you will be having better days then. Until we see you again, “we luv ya Babe”!!

    Scuba Sam and Scooter

  • Dawn
    September 23, 2019 at 4:49 pm Reply

    Eloquent profound & u speak truth.. so many of us know on different levels that have been in a long battle with illness. I so relate to this my dear, some times just think one more thing can’t happen as the disease overwhelms the body & mind at times.. it can b hour to hour or good days r day to day.. but u r not alone sweetness, we r in this journey with you, again ur fire & strength blow me away & ur continued positive outlook & derp faith! U r the shining light for tons of us to keep hope! Love u♥️D

  • Marky May
    September 28, 2019 at 9:32 am Reply

    If this isn’t the bravest, strongest woman in the world, I don’t know who is. Plus she’s beautiful inside and out. Plus she’s witty and smart (she married me, didn’t she?). I could write a book about her and it wouldn’t cover but a smidge of her immense talents and beauty.. Love her spirit and love her. I’m a lucky, lucky dude.

    • Terry Mayfield
      October 25, 2019 at 10:22 am Reply

      Marky May, MM, hubby… couldn’t love you more if I tried. But, I have a tendency to be an overachiever! Thank you for being by my side every step of the way throughout this bumpy, amazing ride called life. You’ve never flinched once and for this you will always be me SU-PE-RA-MAN! We have sooo much more life to live – fully and together – “let’s get after it”! LYSHTIAB

      • Susan
        February 11, 2020 at 8:30 am Reply

        Mark truly describes the wonderful essence of you, Terry. And Terry, you ARE amazing! With words, mind, body and soul… a beautiful, deep soul!!!!
        Both of you inspire others daily by the way you put insight into life while keeping your message of positivity, acceptance, and gratefulness thread throughout your stories!! And your fearlessness to expose the many varied feelings, ups and downs that chronic illnesses brings and match words to those feelings reveals a bravery that inspires others… reveals feelings for others that they may not be able to express so clearly … all wIth your special essence on each page (P.A.G.E) you share. I ever so strongly wish that the emotional strength you give others could rebound, or reflect physical strength back to you!!! You are so special! Continue sharing your P.A.G.E.S !!! Positivity, Acceptance, Gratefulness, Essence, and Strength!!!!
        💗🙏🏽🥰💗🥰🙏🏽💗 We love you both!

  • Derek
    October 23, 2019 at 1:52 pm Reply

    Hi Terry. I can relate to your suffering. Since getting a bite in the bush in Rhodesia (now called Zimbabwe) over 40 years ago, my life has been a constant battle with pain, fatigue and headaches 24/7. Prior to the bite I was an avid bodybuilder and didn’t know the meaning of pain. When I became ill just after the bite I went from doctor to doctor looking for answers. Lyme was unheard of in those days. So when all the usual blood tests come back negative, I was shrugged off or told it was in my mind. !! As I got older, my symptoms worsened and I now have a lot of neurological issues. After all these years I have now been told by a homeopath in a Joburg that I have Lyme. Unfortunately it’s so entrenched in a my body that I have constant pain and stiffness 24/7. Im hoping that a long course of herbs and antibiotics will bring some relief from these debilitating symptoms.. Take care. Derek in Joburg

    • Terry Mayfield
      October 25, 2019 at 10:06 am Reply

      Hello Derek! I am so sorry you have been battling with chronic illness (ultimately, Lyme) for all of these years. My heart hurts for you, and anyone who has had to cope with the debilitating affects of Lyme and tick-borne diseases for years, decades. It is truly unfortunate (and maddening) there is no easy road with diagnosis and treatments. I sincerely hope now that you have a proper diagnosis + treatment direction that your homeopathic provider can guide you toward improved health and full-quality of life. • Thank you for taking the time to read my blog and journey. I hope you will follow along as this fight for wellness continues for us all. Stay strong! —Terry

  • Susie Ray
    January 23, 2020 at 9:33 pm Reply

    Healing is hard!!! But you have so much insight and love to share – so thank you for this wonderful post <3 and you are so right it is a balancing act between positivity + acceptance + gratefulness!

    findyourownhope.com

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