Blog post,  Chronic Illness,  Encouragement,  Opinion

You Are More Than Your Illness. However…

March 16, 2021

You know sometimes when you read or hear a statement and it hits you just right — like, yes! — I completely agree (or vehemently disagree!). During a recent Twitter scrolling session, an uplifting post appeared on my feed: “it’s okay if your chronic illness defines you” (shared by @joannanobanana). A simple sentence, yet powerful — expressing empathy toward chronic illness patients, their feelings of validation and self-worth. Those particular words, in that specific moment, spoke to me. I’m quite certain those same words resonated with many who read Joanna No Banana’s post. (BTW, love joanna’s username!)

Often times when offering uplifting phrases and/or positive words of encouragement — even sharing personal experiences to help others feel less alone — we may unintentionally provide a message that comes across as judgmental, flippant, callous, or one-upping. I know this first hand, as with only the best of intentions at heart, I have (most assuredly) offended and/or upset someone (many someones) at one time or another with the words I’ve shared. Perhaps taken out of context, or simply by my approach. Point being, not everyone needs or wants to hear: a) my opinion (lol!); b) optimistic + positivity fluff — “you’ve got this”… “you won’t always be sick”… “keep your chin up”… “tomorrow will be better day.”

Yes, kind words of encouragement. However, depending upon the recipient’s circumstances, state of illness + mental well-being, words expressing (perhaps trite) optimism might not always be received in the uplifting manor intended.

Another example: some within the chronic illness community may not be a fan of the popular phrase, “you are more than your illness.” Also intended to incite positive thought, support and strength. Perhaps instead the opposite is felt. Perhaps this “rah rah,” to some who haven’t been able to accomplish what they hoped or dreamed of due to debilitating illness, makes them feel poorly about themselves or their situation?

Words are indeed powerful. And truth be had, there is absolutely no way of knowing how others will receive/interpret what they hear or read. We are unique beings living unique lives. And individual circumstances and emotions can change in an instant. The best we can do is to keep lifting one another up, by any means possible. Hopefully, well intended efforts and goodwill will be received in the most comforting and supportive of ways.

Many aspects of our lives define us. We are all more than: a daughter, a son, a parent, a student, a doctor, a farmer, an artist, a poet… you get the idea. The list truly is endless. However, when coping with an illness that unequivocally effects every aspect of your life… illness does in fact (help to) define you — and often dictates your every movement… or lack thereof. Some who have been coping with illness for long periods of time — especially young children and young adults, who know little outside the boundaries of illness — may identify primarily with being a strong and fierce illness fighter. And that is One. Hundred. Percent. Okay!

[bctt tweet=”…when coping with an illness that unequivocally effects every aspect of your life… illness does in fact (help to) define you — and often dictates your every movement… or lack thereof.”]

So, to anyone who needs to hear this: you are, undoubtedly, more than your illness. And you should shine. Shout your truth from the rooftops. As well, it is, most assuredly, more than okay if your illness defines you. Let your truth shine — and never feel ashamed, judged, or less than for being you, or for feeling however you feel deep inside.

“It is okay if your chronic illness defines you.”

—JoannaNoBanana.com

With all of the above shared, let me add this final note — unsolicited advice from a veteran long-hauler: looking beyond one’s illness is imperative; holding on to hope that healthier days lie ahead, is absolutely vital; being truthful and kind with oneself, no matter the struggle or uncertainty, is without question one of the most important elements of overall well-being.

Thank you for taking the time to read this reflection. Hopefully the message(s) and sincerity appear as transparent and heartfelt as intended. Please feel free to share any thoughts you may have in the comments below. Any and all critique welcome!

Until my next Reflection…

Maybe we could all try to be a little more sensitive… and less sensitive, too, as we help sprinkle kindness along our path.

Blessings, positive vibes and healing prayers are with you, lovelies. Always!

—terry xx

Over here reflecting about life, illness + healing. Offering encouragement + empathy + support. Sharing smatterings of sarcasm + sass. Oozing with opinion. Speaking my truth. —tmm

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