Blog post

Almost afraid to be too positive…

September 3, 2015

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I am quite thankful to share a glimpse of sunshine in this partly cloudy – to cloudy – to stormy journey.

A couple of days over the past two weeks, and again yesterday I had moments of reprieve from my general yuckiness!  At this stage in the “Spin the Wheel of Lyme,” I am realistic in knowing most of my “energy” has been adrenaline kicking in. This happens from time to time.  Adrenaline or not, I am incredibly thankful for reprieve. Always!

My body and I will go through a complete shutdown, feeling beyond miserable with all of my symptoms cranked to an 11.  And I sleep.  A lot.

As I have shared in previous postings, if I’m not in bed sleeping then I am resting.  Snuggled up under a blanket in my comfy recliner, usually with a kitty on my lap.  Have I mentioned I have a cat?  Eddie. He’s the bestest. (Another made up word to add to my future Terry-isms dictionary.)

Insert random thought here:  Thank you Flexsteel for making such an incredibly comfy piece of furniture! (Residuals for my repeat “comfy recliner” endorsements would be nice.)

In my “Newbie Blogger Alert!” post, I warned you about my random thoughts.  It’s a curse!  Try living inside this Lyme infested brain.

Back to reprieve/episodes/phases explanation.

After an extremely miserable phase, which can be an afternoon, a day, days, or weeks, I may then go a few days where I am wide awake. Still feeling poopy, which requires me to rest but generally unable to sleep.

The poopy phase (such elegant phrasing, but accurate), is a welcomed improvement over the miserable phase.  Because I may feel like being up out of bed (or “upright” as MM refers to it), I may try to push myself too much – simply because – I’m out of bed – whoo hoo!  Quite often, okay almost always, I push myself too far because this is my way of trying to be slightly “normal.”  This tends to bring the “whoo hoo” down a bit, and my body will start to crash.

Sometimes I may get a warning, with the shakes, chills, and nausea, mixed in with emotional overload (I start crying) and I can feel my body starting to get really weak and light-headed.  That’s my warning sign to get out of the kitchen, stop wiping down the counter ten times (yep-OCD), hopefully grab something to snack on and a coconut water to help regulate my blood sugar and then quickly hit the comfy recliner.  I might have to eventually go to bed, but right now – I am being warned – sit and REST!

Even with a warning starting to come on I may still try to push through, because I am a tad stubborn. (Tad? Makes me chuckle!)

Bad move. This triggers a full on – you’re an idiot phase!  My body becomes so weak and shaky there is no time to do anything but park it wherever I am.  I have no choice but to slide down my kitchen or bathroom cabinets, or even a wall, and park it on the floor to ride this bad boy out. Now the tears are really flowing, uncontrollably. Not sobbing and hysterical crying, simply tears streaming down my face with no shut off valve.  It’s official, poopy phase is quickly shifting back toward miserable.

So glad I used up what little bit of energy I may have had to unload the dishwasher and rearrange the dirty dishes in the kitchen sink. Bravo! (And yes, I rearrange my dirty dishes, stacking them neatly to one side.  What?  I am not an animal!)

Some days, trying to be even the slightest bit “normal” is not worth the exerted and misused energy. Right now, there are not enough spoons in the day!

Check out the spoon theory here: http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/

The most positive aspect of these recent reprieve moments, is that I have not had much reprieve over the past – too long to remember – time frame.

So long explanation long, the full on miserable phase has not happened in about a week. The poopy phase is still in check, but this too is an improvement. Can I get a woot woot?!!?  Wave your hands in the air like you just don’t care kind of woot woot!

I am, however, trying to contain my positive feelings because I have been bitten before (a little Lyme disease levity) in the booty by the reality of – we’re still in the midst of this fight for wellness.

However, I am – right now – at this very moment in time – more than ELATED to share some positive happenings thus far this week!

Until my next Blatherings…..wishing you some – wave your hands in the air like you just don’t care – positivity in your life.

Terry?

#keepingonkeepingon #keepingitreal #keepingthefaith #onedayatatime #lymedisease #lymewarriors #colormylyme #blatheringsofalyme #livingthelymelife #lifeofalymie

Over here reflecting about life, illness + healing. Offering encouragement + empathy + support. Sharing smatterings of sarcasm + sass. Oozing with opinion. Speaking my truth. —tmm

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