Blog post

The Lymie Life

October 8, 2015

imageNo inspirational memes, platitudes, or fun throw back pics today.   This is as real as it gets kids.   The here and now, life as a Lymie – me – unfiltered! Eeeek! #KeepingItReal #LymieLife #ScaryTerry #SicklySelfie

Perhaps vanity has prevented me from sharing a pic of the “real me” of late.  I believe more so, it’s my deep overwhelming desire not to be this person.  If I could, I would remove every mirror in my house!   Believe me, I prefer not to be constantly reminded of the sickly person I am and have been for a while now.

Reality is what it is.  I am this person but only on a “temporary” basis, or so I am reminded of this little non-fact “fact” often by hubby.

Hmmm….there is a slight flaw in this “temporary” theory, however.   The last 3 years of the past 15 years and counting have pretty much been a “temporary” holding pattern.   But who’s keeping track.  Oh yeah, I am!   (Side note – what is the status of the “air” “quotes” emoji – anyone?   I could really over use that puppy.)

Maybe it is misguided denial, but I prefer to look back upon healthier, active, and more “fun” times from years past.  This helps offer hope for stronger days ahead.   Provides goals for me to eventually work toward once again.

Notice I didn’t refer to the healthier days from the past as happier.    Even though I have had my share of moments and days encased with sadness and tears while on this Lyme disease journey, I like to think of myself as one of the happiest and truly blessed chicas on the planet.   Being married to a funny, funny man helps my mindset immensely.   I can go from crying to laughing within seconds.   MM has a gift!

A question arises.  Is it possible to feel sadness and happiness, misery and joy, anger and gratitude all wrapped up into one day – one hour – one moment?   The answer is yes.   I know this to be a fact.   Not a “non-fact” fact, but a “fact” fact!   Even so, this glass half full kind of gal always tends to lean the happy, joy, and gratitude way as much as possible.   Flawed as I am, I’m a firm believer regardless of the challenges – Life – Is – Good!

I find solace in reflecting back to healthier moments, not to keep living in the past but to encourage myself.   There were several occasions melded into the past ten or so years, where I was blessed with some less sickly – more sassy times.

About 7 years ago I had a period of 17 “great” days in a row, and then a few years later I had another period of 45 “decent” days in row.  I make note of these periods, because they were momentous days where I felt relatively human-like.  Of course, there have been many “great”, “good”, and “decent” days sprinkled in over the years, but nothing like having several days and weeks in a row.  Those were absolute bonus – not really sure what happened but thankful nonetheless – let’s live life to the fullest days.  Can I get a Hallelujah!

During those “up” periods, I generally bounced out of bed, went for walks regularly, was able to do my yoga, lifted weights like I used to pre-2001, played golf with the hubs, traveled to see family and friends, even got to play dress up a few times, enjoyed cocktails, danced like a maniac, and played house like a normal person.  You know, daily living!   Whoot! Whoot!

Those moments were pure awesomesauce!  (Yep, still hip – in my own mind).

This brings me to the most mind-blowing and absolute – ticks me off – mystery of Lyme disease and friends.   Never truly understanding why some days are better than others.  Why some weeks may be great, thinking I’ve finally made the turn, and then completely – unpredictably – BAM! – smacked with another full body slam.   Back down into Lyme disease miserableness, bedridden once again.

Decades I’ve tried to figure these nasty Lyme, Babesia, Bartonella, etc., etc., diseases out.   What the heck?   The mystery and Lyme lessons continue daily.   I am a full-time, living and breathing, clinical study waiting to be published.

There are so many whys out there for many coping with chronic illness.   You do all you can to hold on to the person you used to be before becoming ill.   I’ve struggled with losing my identity, my self-worth.   I’ve been enveloped with moments of feeling guilty for being a non-productive parasite member of society.   Feeling like I am simply taking up space.   Believe me, some days that may very well be all I am succeeding at – an official space taker upper.   But I suppose without the space I take up, where would Eddie the cat, lay?   My lap tends to be his permanent napping spot.   Finally, my purpose is revealed! (she writes with sarcasm – and love for Eddie)

Eddie

Case and point.  I snapped this photo while I was thumb pecking this post.   This is my life – taking up space, lap cradle for Eddie the cat, and Lymie blatherings blogger.   A few other things in there, but you get the idea.  “Temporarily” a limited production edition.

So, where am I going with all of this gibberish?   Basically, I am sharing – an unedited – unfiltered – undone – snap shot of the here and now – happy, joyful, and grateful – taking up space – trying to figure out what the heck is going on in this Lyme infested body – when life throws you lemons (or Lyme in my case) you make lemonade – life can be bad AND good – kind of realness.

In my humble opinion, it isn’t unhealthy to look back at where you have been – who you used to be.  However, keep focus on where you desire to go and what you hope to accomplish – the person you wish to become.   And while maneuvering between the past and the future, find the strength and mindset to be “okay” with the present.   This is what I am choosing to do, and avoiding as many mirrors as possible along my Lymie way.

Until my next Blatherings….wishing you happiness, joy, thankfulness, and lemonade.  Lots and lots of lemonade!

Terry?

Additional #KeepingItReal – a special shoutout and prayers to loved ones, both family and friends, who are facing their own health hurdles and life challenges. You’re always in my thoughts.

#YouGotThis #KeepOnKeepingOn #KeepTheFaith #KeepFighting #NeverGiveUp #OneDayAtATime #TurnPainIntoPurpose #LymeDisease #TheLymieLife #LifeOfALymie #ChronicLymeDiseaseSucks #LymeWarrior #ScarySicklySelfie #HopeYouAreNotScarredForLife #FindYourHappiness #Joy #Thankfulness #Lemonade  #LymeWarriors #ColorMeLyme #BlatheringsOfALymie

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Over here reflecting about life, illness + healing. Offering encouragement + empathy + support. Sharing smatterings of sarcasm + sass. Oozing with opinion. Speaking my truth. —tmm

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81 Comments

  • Momma Ellie
    October 8, 2015 at 3:21 pm Reply

    Think of you constantly! Wish there was something I could do to bring you back to healthier days. Love you so much! So glad you have that funny guy in your life! He can bring a smile or a big laugh to you, I know. And I am so proud of him! Proud of you too, for fighting this terrible disease! My buddy’s cousin was just diagnosed with Lyme. Couldn’t believe it! Maybe someone is finally “getting” some knowledge. WooHoo! Here’s to you, my beautiful girl! Prayers daily for you and Laura! Beautiful ,wonderful ladies with lots of love!

    • terrymmayfield@aol.com
      October 9, 2015 at 2:14 am Reply

      Love you oodles Momma Ellie! Always keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, as well! Thank you for sharing Marky May with me! I’m so blessed to be a part of the Mayfield family. I’m doing “ok” – so please don’t worry yourself about me – this is just part of my path! Writing my blog is therapy for me. Thank you for sharing in the journey. Take care of yourself. Hugs and love?

  • Kim Cates
    October 8, 2015 at 8:18 pm Reply

    You are and always will be a woman of strength. It’s so hard to hear about your struggles, but so inspiring how you remain grounded and positive. You are a true inspiration, Terry, for many. Even your “sickly selfie” is a beautiful woman with an incredible will and perspective. It IS temporary. What a horrible disease with its unpredictable nature. I wish you well. Better days are ahead. Hang in there!

    • terrymmayfield@aol.com
      October 9, 2015 at 2:20 am Reply

      Thank you Kim, for your thoughtful words, and for following along with my journey. I am definitely not a writer, but sharing through my blog serves as therapy. Thank you again for your friendship and support. Miss you guys! Hugs to you and Darrin?

  • dawn
    October 12, 2015 at 4:48 pm Reply

    dear warrior sister.. i feel this.. i truly do, and understand on so many levels – we ARE sisters – no doubt about it, i do feel God put us together to love on each other and give a hug – virtual or physical that you are not alone – and yes we can feel all that love and gratitude and struggle at the same time.. life is an amazing and challenging maze & miracle! i’m so grateful to have you dear friend in my life – you encourage me and inspire me every single day of my journey and that my dear is HUGE to me! You are HUGE to me, dear warrior.. love you so much!

  • Ann
    October 13, 2015 at 1:04 am Reply

    We certainly have had our share of crazy fun memories together, haven’t we?! Don’t give up hope; we’ll do them again! Although I’m not sure any of us have the stamina to play Cranium until the middle of the night like we used to….

    I can’t imagine how hard it is to endure the physical pain, exhaustion, and the “mind games” but if anyone can do it, it’s YOU, Girl!
    Keep fighting.
    Keep writing.
    Keep “being real.” You don’t need to gloss anything over for those of us who love you just the way you are. Praying for more good days. I love you and I think you’re beautiful…inside and out.

    • terrymmayfield@aol.com
      October 13, 2015 at 2:28 am Reply

      Thank you for your kind words, Ann. Thank you for always being there for me, for us, over the years. We miss our Firkins family time, for certain, but thankful for all of the crazy fun memories we made together. Oh my goodness, how we laughed, and snorted, until we cried!! We have more fun times ahead, and I/we can’t wait! ???

  • Brandi
    November 15, 2015 at 4:08 am Reply

    I said the same things to my husband today… Thank you for sharing and letting this stranger, and Lyme sister, know that I am not alone. “There are so many whys out there, for many coping with chronic illness. You do all you can to hold on to the person you used to be, before becoming ill. I’ve struggled with losing my identity, my self-worth. I’ve been enveloped with moments of feeling guilty for being a non-productive parasite member of society, feeling like I am simply taking up space.”??????

  • Valerie
    October 22, 2016 at 1:15 am Reply

    Dear Terry, Your blog was one of the first rays of light that I “read” when I first began this journey through Lyme Disease. Thank you for sharing your story and being so honest and brave. You have helped to make my own struggles seem more bearable. Your constant inspiring posts on Facebook and your blog here are a real pillar in the Lyme community. I just wanted you to know what a huge difference you have made in my life. I appreciate your friendship. Even though we have never “met,” it is nice to know that there are others out there going through the same struggles. Blessings and wishing you better days ahead. xo Valerie

    • Terry Mayfield, The Blathering Lymie
      October 25, 2016 at 7:52 am Reply

      Valerie, a simple “thank you” doesn’t come close to expressing how meaningful your comment and heartfelt words are to me. I am truly grateful our paths have crossed – all part of the master plan! I feel truly blessed by the friendships and connections I have made through this journey – as we are all finding our way. It is comforting to know we have each other to lean on and grow from. Your writings are brilliant, and I am encouraged by your strength and grace. Thank you again for following along with my journey. Blessings to you. ???Terry

      • Valerie
        October 25, 2016 at 4:07 pm Reply

        Thank you so much Terry. Your support means so much! My little blog is a work in progress. But, sharing my journey is so therapeutic. So glad we “met.” Wishing you health and many spoons, Valerie

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