Disease How I Loathe Thee

Disease, how do I loathe thee?  Let me count the ways.

No clever poem to follow.  Merely stating my disdain – pure and absolute hatred – for all disease and sickness.

Too many of my family members and friends are currently coping with or have battled illness. Every color of awareness ribbon or bracelet donned and represented.   Makes accessorizing easier, but what a heavyhearted and unwanted fashion perk.   If I were to attempt to list everyone I know personally who is inflicted with illness or coping with significant health related issues, I quite possibly could list exactly that – EVERY ONE I know and/or love.

So let me repeat myself – I LOATHE DISEASE – ANY and ALL SICKNESS. Period!

Recently, we had (yet another) health scare hit too close to home, within our immediate family. Anxiety and tears have lessened, thankfully, but deep concern and prayers continue.   The last thing you ever want is for any of your kids – regardless of their age – to be in the hospital facing health issues.   Never.  Ever. 

Some occurrences in this life can strongly persuade one to give pause and appreciate – even more – how precious your loved ones are to you.  I have personally taken such pause, and am grateful for each and every family member and beloved friend – my side and hubby’s – near and afar.   I am thankful and feel blessed beyond measure.   May I not take any of you for granted.

It has been a while since my last blathering.   My intentions have been good-ish, thumb pecking a sentence or two as thoughts would come to me. But lately, not much activity has been happening up inside this fuzzy Lyme field of a brain.  Then there’s that pesky reality of feeling miserable, and having zero oomph to even human most days.   Blogging is definitely low on the “let’s hope I accomplish something – anything – today” list.   Getting out of bed and repositioning to my comfy recliner is the all too real and depressing goal of late.   But hey, goals are goals!

This most recent family health scare solidified the abhorrent feelings I hold toward all illness in general.  And due to my own personal struggles, the loathing is at an all time high.   I’m basically in a permanent state of being ticked off!  Yes, pun intended.  With disappointment and increasing contempt for this abyss known as Lyme disease and all it encompasses, I share with you my health has been slipping backward.  The hubs and I have dredged our way through setbacks – many times before – but this decline seems to bite a bit more.   Yes, I know, weak attempts at humor.   Semi-plausible cheekiness helps fend off tears.   Appease me if you will, and muster up a fake chuckle.   Oy vey!

For almost two years, we (collectively meaning my doctor giving the orders, and me playing the role of the obedient soldier) have been aggressively attacking the Borrellia burgdorferi (Bb) persister cells.  These little bugger have been having a – roughly 39-year – party, corkscrewing their way into every tissue in my body.   We’ve also been throwing an arsenal of meds at Babesia and Bartonella.  Lest we not forget the battle of the biofilms.

Treatment is a coalition of sorts.  A never-ending balancing act:

1) Being aggressive enough to kill off the bad guys, but not overly aggressive to send my body into a constant state of herxing (Herxheimer Reaction).

2) Attacking gradually yet steady – addressing all infections simultaneously, but not too slowly as to allow any or all of the bad guys to build up a head of steam.

3) Finding the appropriate detox methods to help and not hinder the healing process.

4) Balancing the proper diet and fending off the carnival of candidia that arrives due to antibiotic treatments.

Outlining only a few of the strategic maneuvers within this maddening battle field.  There are times when is seems these reproducing, resilient, and covert infectious bacterial bastards are always steps ahead.   It’s almost as if Wikileaks is sharing my treatment protocol with these diseases!

This seemingly endless fight – trying to figure out how to get well – is daunting and down right EXHAUSTING!  There are days when I question everything.  Is this current treatment protocol working?  How much longer can I endure this daily suffering?    Will I ever be healthy again?   The questions are a-plenty, hit hard, and on some really heavy stuff.    This is where faith kicks in for me – BIG TIME!   And as most of you know, mainly because I write about it often, thankfully, I am fortunate to be blessed with A ROCK of a hubby.  For without Marky May, this once – I am woman hear me roar chick – well, she has truly lost herself, and every day is a fight.   No pity party whining.   It’s just reality.   This is what the last 3+years – of the past 16 years – of battling these debilitating and destructive diseases has done to me.

Again, for good measure – I LOATHE DISEASE!   Moreover, I abhor Lyme disease, the hellacious coinfections, and multiple autoimmune conditions that have hijacked my body.   Nope.  Not a fan.

Whether facing health issues or personal challenges that test us (the not so welcomed bonuses in this life), may we humans keep our faith.  Leaning on His strength and that of others. And if I may, I’m going to get bossy for a moment.  (It’s my nature.)   Reach out.   Never allow yourself to feel as though you are alone. On this humongous planet, you are surrounded by people who may be experiencing similar situations and sincerely care. Gravitate toward positivity, thankfulness, and giving hearts.

I realize it is not easy to fend off negative and unhappy thoughts.   Too many days and nights spent bawling my eyes out.   I Get It!   But those are the times we have to dig down even deeper.   Our way of thinking affects every aspect of our life.   The whole mind over matter thing, well, I don’t buy into that concept entirely.   Some things are WAY out of the control of one’s mind.   However, our attitude is obviously a key player.   So personally, I am choosing to keep the positive brain vibes moving forward.   And I pray.  And eat chocolate!

So, yes, I shall continue to ABHOR, DETEST, DISLIKE, HATE and LOATHE DISEASE.  And though I am weak and beyond battle weary, I’m a relentless fighter – and stubborn.   Most importantly, I have faith, infinite love for my family and friends, and a desire to live this life to the fullest.   The latter may be put on hold, but only temporarily (as hubby is constantly reminding me).   In this instance, the power of mind over matter is kicking negativity and dark thoughts to the curb.

Thank you for following along with my rambling thoughts while I’m on this Lyme life journey.   One of these days I will be blathering on about trips to see the grandkids, maybe even a kick booty golf game, or perhaps boring you with tales of vacation travels.  In the meantime, the hubs and I are simply taking one day at a time.   Doing our best to kill off all the evil germs that have declared war on my body.   And eating chocolate.   Lots and lots of chocolate.

Until my next Blathering…..My thoughts, prayers, and good vibes are with all who may be suffering with illness.

OH DISEASE, HOW I LOATHE THEE!

Wishing you all positive mind over matter moments, enriched faith, a gentle heart, and ultimately –  healthier and happier days ahead.

Blessings and hugs,

Terry?The Blathering Lymie

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