Blog post,  Chronic Illness,  Deep Reflections,  Life,  My Journey — My Truth

This Journey Through Life — Chapter 54, Page 339

April 12, 2022

Do we mere mortals ever fully understand the ‘why’s’ in this life?

Why is the sky blue(1)and the grass green(2)?

Why is the color blue called blue(3)?

Why does time appear to pass by so quickly?

Why is this life filled with sooooo many bumpy pieces-parts?

Why do innocent living beings experience sickness, pain and suffering?

Why are so many beautiful creatures taken from this life much too soon?

Why do some anniversaries and/or birthdays come and go, and life never skips a beat?

Why do some anniversaries and/or birthdays approach, and well, the floodgates — of all the things — break open?

Why do I use the words ‘so’ and ’much’ sooooo much?

Why so many questions?

Apparently, floodgates have broken way!

Floodgates Open — Feelings and Things

Unique, individual journeys, we living creatures are traveling. Beautiful. Complicated. Rewarding. Heartbreaking. Joyful. Disappointing. Gratifying. Lesson-filled… if paying attention. And that’s just in one week, maybe one day!

While overflowing with opinion (and rarely too bashful to outwardly express), there remains only one ‘passage through time’ that I am one-hundred-percent qualified to assess. Mine.

Some days (especially as new chapters draw near), I would eagerly trade places with basically anyone I know. Bed-bound days (often exhausting, overwhelming, unrelentingly miserable) are spent living vicariously through the ‘living-life-fully’ peeps in my world — near and afar. Continuously witnessing (via social media, messaging, and close-up) the unencumbered/ unfazed comings and goings of others — has a tendency to get the better of me (you know, being human and all).

It is our nature, isn’t it? Homo sapiens. To compare one’s life to another’s. And how rude and judge-y. Seriously? What do we really know about someone else’s life? Only what we think we see. We haven’t the faintest idea what fellow humans are actually experiencing in their private lives, much less with their personal health and well-being.

Why do we automatically assume neighbor Sally or cousin Bobby’s life — perhaps all pretty and “perfect” on the outside — is “better?”

Why can’t we mind to our own, and simply… be?

And why must we flawed beings foolishly look past the blessings surrounding our every movement? (Asking for an incredibly imperfect, emotionally challenged “friend.”)

Seriously though. Did you get out of bed today? Blessing. Did you leave your house… walk/ ride/ drive around town/ the city (for business or fun)? You guessed it… blessing. Did you notice any flowers/ plants/ trees blooming, or listen for birds that were singing, or feel the sunshine/ wind hit your skin? If you didn’t, well… you probably should have. Truly hate to think of how many people — all around the world (literally) — who would love to experience even one of these small, simple blessings (anytime) during their days.

Nothing in the above paragraph is intended as a directional guilt attack. A gentle reminder, yes. To slow down. Look past one’s devices. Take a small detour from the scheduled list of to do’s/ meetings/ phone calls. And breathe. And be thankful — for the freedom and physical ability to make the choice(s) in your day to either zoom right on by, or recognize and appreciate life’s little (and big) moments.

No pressure or anything, but sometimes other peeps are living life (imaginatively) through you! So, pay attention… and notice stuff! (And take + share pictures!)

Anniversaries and/or Birthdays — and All of the Things?

“Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.”

—Author unknown

Birthdays. What an incredible blessing — a physiological reality never fully grasped until we are physically + mentally older, wiser, more mature.

As kids, many of us beamed with excitement when our birthdays arrived. We celebrated. Ate cake. Maybe received presents. And we couldn’t wait to grow up. (Silly, naive little humans — lol!)

When writing the post: Another Trip Around the Sun, I shared my thoughts about birthdays, at least during that particular time in this journey through life. Is funny (odd/ depressing?) how little things can change in the span of roughly 365 days. Good or bad. Have had the complete opposite happen, as well, when life appeared to turn exhaustively upside down, multiple times within one year. Looking back, the verdict is still out on which is preferred. (lol!)

Truth be had (respectfully, not to boast) my life is pretty darn good. Far from perfect. However, the blessings gratefully and most assuredly outweigh the ever-growing + complicated pieces-parts.

Do I wish I could regain my health and wake up in charge of my daily abilities? Every. Dang. Day.

Do I have moments, days, weeks… sometimes months at a time, struggling to make my way through relentless symptoms — emotionally spent and questioning e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g about this path? Abso-flipping-lutely!

No doubt there have been/are ample aspects of this journey I wish were quite different. The list of what I wish I could change — easily an open-ending novel.

And try as I might to keep the good shtuff in perspective — of how my life is one big beautiful + messy blessing — I still tend to fail when it comes to cutting myself some slack. Seems writing about being kind and gentle with oneself comes much easier for me than the actual doing part. (Classic ’do as I say not as I do.’)

Should you wish to read some of the more uplifting pieces shared here on the blog, please go to the drop-down menu located at the top left corner of website — Categories menu — then select ‘Encouragement.’ — or simply Click Here!

Chapter 55 — Coming Soon

That’s right. Another birthday approaches. Double Nickel.

My older friends and family might think, 55? What a pup. And perhaps this may seem true (to them!).

And, yes, birthdays are just another day. Another year.

Another day and another year that I am immensely grateful to be given.

Another day and year passing, and here I am: 23+ years into this (most current, of 47-yr) illness + healing journey, and still coping with the sobering reality that illness dictates every moment of every day. And, no, not because I allow illness to consume my every thought. Reality is simply what it is. (Remember, kids, no judging that of which we do not know or fully understand!)

Another day, another year, staving off disappointment — that little healing progress has occurred since my previous trip around the sun — while simultaneously celebrating that very same ‘little’ forward momentum. Forward is forward!

Another day and year, hoping for more than a handful of upright + ”normal” human-ing moments in the fresh new chapter ahead; and cherishing any and all out-of-bed moments — as there is no such thing as an upright moment too small to appreciate.

Another day and year, trying to keep the focus facing forward. Once more, easier to write than do. (I am indeed quite flawed!)

Current Here and Now

Well lovelies, this post is a definite mishmash of thoughts. Which is a perfect reflection of what this journey through life truly has been to date — a complete hodgepodge of the good, the not-so-fun and the indifferent.

Is somewhat difficult to explain where my head is currently. My spirits are stable (basically and thankfully!), despite the constant coping + flow between illness flares (new/ rotating onset of symptoms) and treatments + herxing (excessive die-off of the bad guys — Lyme spirochete + Babesiosis + Bartonella bacteria, combined with their reproduction cycles that occur approximately every 21-28 days — because these brilliant spirochete/ bacteria evade/ outsmart every treatment to date… remember, 23yrs of treatments!!!). That fun, not-so-fun part of my days mesh with navigating additional complex illnesses (POTS, MCAS, CIRS — bitoxins, mycotoxins, endotoxins) and related symptoms — that show up at will.

Numb and happy — in between waves of symptoms — then emotional and miserable. It’s a daily crap shoot! (lol!) Horizontal in bed, most days. Sleeping. Sleeping. And sleeping. Occasionally some outside time for much needed fresh air and a few minutes of natural vitaminD. Even that is a challenge, but welcomed when able. Incredibly grateful to and for the hubs and faithful support team. Thankful to still be here on planet ‘crazy-town!’

Praying 55 provides more glimmers of light… and oodles of laughter.

Refusing to let illness steal my joy!

Until my next Reflection…

Sending hugs from my corner of the globe.

Blessings, love and light — always!

FYI References:

  1. ‘Why is the sky blue?’ — https://spaceplace.nasa.gov/blue-sky/en/

2. ‘Why is the grass green?’ — https://www.livescience.com/32496-why-is-grass-green.html

3. ‘Why is the color blue called blue?’ — https://www.dunnedwards.com/colors/specs/posts/color-blue-history

#Life #Perspective #Hope #Faith #Joy #Birthdays #ChronicIllness #Lyme

Over here reflecting about life, illness + healing. Offering encouragement + empathy + support. Sharing smatterings of sarcasm + sass. Oozing with opinion. Speaking my truth. —tmm

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